Holidays that aren't a holiday
Does anyone else get frustrated at holiday times such as Easter or Christmas when people ask "What are you doing over the holidays?" In your head you are thinking, sticking to routine as much as possible then maintaining the workarounds you need to put in place to keep your children calm and happy and meltdown free. The other big thought is how soon it will all be over. While all this is going through your head you smile and say something like "It will be a quiet holiday for us" or "We will spend Christmas Day at home and catch up with family later", without going into the military style operation it will take to simply have a few hours with family.
During these holiday periods while you look at the photos on social media or hear about all the fun, 'normal' things families do and know that you can't do due to your child's sensory issues, their inability to deal with change or to wait, too many people and too much noise in overwhelming environments. So you stay home sticking to routine or when routine changes dealing with the fall out.
You have that sick feeling in your stomach when you know there is going to be a change in routine and you know that there is going to be a meltdown. Your mind starts whirring with the best meltdown avoidance strategies to put in place and in our case if one is having a meltdown will their twin have a meltdown as well?
All of these thoughts went through my head over the recent Easter break as I looked back over the years we had 'a non holiday'. This year we had quite a few positive moments. The regular Saturday morning routine is that while at community inclusion our boys will go to the library and choose some DVD's, Zac's usual haul is 6-8 DVD's and yep they are the same ones every week! On Easter Saturday he was happy just to take one DVD with him in the car, usually he would insist he takes all the DVD's but he must have sensed things were bit different as Good Friday resulted in a few changes to routine so he happily found his own way of dealing with not going to the library - take one DVD in the car and bring it back home.
On Easter Monday I almost created a disaster, Ryan likes to walk to our local Foodworks store in the morning to purchase cheese and bacon rolls, he asked to go at 7am on Easter Monday. I was sure they were open (I had checked opening times diligently) so didn't divert him with an alternative which is usually a trip to Maccas. We walked to the shopping centre and got to the front door of Foodworks, we could see the lights on and people at the back of the shop but the front door was closed. Opening time was 8am! Ryan tapped on the door and looked at me, I said let's go get a chocolate from the newsagents and he happily walked to the newsagents. Phew!! that was such a relief, a few years ago that would have resulted in a pretty serious meltdown.
So along with the frustration of not being able to go and do the things that other families do we had some really positive moments and were very proud of our boys and their achievements over Easter.
You may relate to this frustration if you do, know that there is another family struggling through those holiday times and your not alone. This is my first time writing about the thoughts and frustration that usually run around in my head. Writing it down gives me some mental space and helps me process my thoughts, if this helps someone by making them feel seen and heard that is fabulous. Remember your children are unique amazing individuals and you as a parent are doing an excellent job.
About the Author: Jenny Nechvatal is a mother of three children. Her two boys who have a disability will turn 21 in December both have required 24 hour support since the age of two years. She owns and runs an Innovate Support Coordination business. She started this business to assist people with a disability. Prior to this she was an Early Childhood teacher, with over 30 years of experience in the early childhood sector.
Jenny works with parents and early childhood educators to find solutions. She helps them access support and find solutions to behavioural challenges.